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2004.07.28

だれかがいなくなるということ


らも.jpg

中島らもさんが亡くなった。僕は、らもさんを生で見たことがない。著書に直接的に影響を受けたわけではない。しかし、20年前に僕は京都に住んでいた。関西で学生生活してた。類は友を呼ぶではないが、変な友人もいた。大阪芸大の友達もいた。推して知るべし。
やはり、何らかの影響は出てくるものだ。やはり、どこかで繋がっているものだ。
今回、3件のトラックバックした。現在も僕が大切に思う方が、何らかの形で影響を受けている。
だれかがいなくなるということは、そういうことだ。
僧正、男だな。悪かった。ああいう形でしか表現出来ないよな。
僕も友を亡くした時は、そうだったよ。独りの時だけ、泣け。
公演と追悼ライブは、振り切る如く、暴れて下さい。

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今、私の中にさえ漂っている空虚感。山内さん・・・素晴らしいです。彼の心境はいかばかりでしょう。大阪公演はしっかり楽しもうと思います。そういや、私も一番好きだった人を亡くした時はそうだったな。周りに一切気付かれないようにした。IWAさんの書き込みで思い出した。

いつもそこにいる人だと思っていました。思い出したときにはいつもニヤニヤ笑っている人だった。思い出す必要もないくらいあまりにも大切なモノや人が私にはあって急にそれらが私の前から消えてしまったら?そんなことを考えて心が泡立ったままです。私にできることは、今全力で愛するだけ。

>廉さんちょっと後悔もしてます。当たり前だよな。強がるよな、普通。もう少し、僧正の気持ちを考えてあげればよかった。>curioさん「死」って、どんな形でも理不尽だけど、なぜか理不尽な訪れ方、するからな。ベルーシとかオーティスとかマーク・ボランとか。残された者は、それでも生きていかねば。屍を乗り越えて。

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