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2005.05.07

倉森勝利氏逝去に際して

倉森氏逝去報告に際して、数々のブログで言及されています。
公式サイトにも多くの弔意が書きこまれてます。
事が人の死だけに、デリケートでナーバスな問題だと思います。
いつもは能天気な僕も、言葉を慎重に選んでるつもりです。
全てではないけれど、現在、思ってることを書きおきます。
なんか説教オヤジっぽいけど、そんなつもりは全然ないです。
自分の気持ちを整理するためでもありますから。


ショックを受けて感情を抑えきれない方が見受けられます。
言葉なんて、ずっと後でもいいんだと思います。
泣けるなら泣いた方がいいと思います。
そして、泣きながらでも、がむしゃらに生きればいいかと。
本当に形式だけの言葉なんて要らないのです。
哀しみに打ちひしがれる気持ちこそが弔意だと思います。
弔意を述べる上で、何か形式ばった偽善的なものを感じてる方も見受けられます。
僕は悪意を抱いていてない限り、自分に嘘がない弔意は許されると思います。
天災や事故で亡くなった見ず知らずの方への弔意も、憧れの有名人への弔意も、
すべて自分の気持ちなのですから。
言葉や文字にした時に、ウソっぽく偽善的に見えるのは仕方ないんです。
言葉や文字ってのは、そういうもんなんだと思います。
もっとサモアリを観ておけば良かった。と後悔されてる方も見受けられます。
でも、世の中に大切なことは、本当にいっぱいいっぱいあるんです。
サモアリもそれらの中のひとつかもしれません。
でも他のワン・オブ・ゼムにもっと大切な事が潜んでいるかもしれません。
次回は、絶対にサモアリに行こう!って決意より、何年も会われてない
身内の方がおられたら、そちらへ足を運ぶ方が先決かと。
世の中には不幸な事故やお別れが、予想以上に多く潜んでます。
臆病になるのは嫌だけど、日々を悔いなく過ごそうと僕は思います。
僕は、これからも自分の気持ちに正直に、やりたいことやります。
今後、僕がとろうとしている行動や、掲示板を設置した過程が、
パフォーマンスやスタンドプレーであるように思われるかもしれません。
神に誓って、そんな心算はないのだけれど、そう思われてもいいです。
僕は僕のやり方でしか弔意を表すことは出来ないし、動くのもつらいけど、
ジッとしてるのも、つらいんです。

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IWAさん、久しぶりに電話してみたら長話してしまって、すみません、夜遅く。
倉森さんのことはショックでした。年齢的に亡くなるような年でもないと思ってましたし(単純にぼくのほうが年齢上じゃないか)。ちょっといいコメントを読んだのでコメント返し(?)しようかと思いました。
というのも、かなり昔、ジョン・レノンが亡くなった時のスプリングスティーンのコメントを思い出したから。
レノンが死んだ翌日のコンサート(マジソン・スクエア・ガーデン)でブルースが言った、
「もしジョン・レノンがいなかったら俺たちの多くは今夜ここにいなかっただろう。耐え切れないことをいっぱい抱えて生きていかなくちゃいけない辛い世の中だ。今夜ここに出てプレイするのもつらいが、ほかにやることがないんだ」
IWAさん、これからもブログがんばれよな。

ありがとな。
でもな、誰かが亡くなって、心を失いそうな時に、
僕が思いだすのも、このボスの言葉なんです。
だから、僕の最後の一文は、それの引用みたいなもんです(笑

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